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Flash News, 4-1: Gaga Scrip
Netanyahu taps Naharin as foreign minister

By Mesha Gunah
Copyright 2009 Mesha Gunah

JERUSALEM, April 1 -- In a stunning development, new right-wing Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu today named Israeli choreographer Ohad Naharin, artistic director of Batsheva Dance Company and inventor of the Gaga movement system, as the new foreign minister of Israel.

"After reading Mr. Naharin's statement that 'artists belong to a group of people who don't represent the ugly side of Israel,'" Netanyahu explained, "I thought, who better to represent us abroad?"

Analyzing the surprise move, longtime Israel-watcher Wolf Blitzkrieg suggested that, "lacking a real policy for peace, Netanyahu has chosen a foreign minister who, being a dancer, can at least project an image of peacefulness."

Meanwhile, a spokesman for lame-duck Palestinian president Abu Mazen expressed optimism at the nomination. Pointing to Naharin's recent statement that he was making dances while 20 kilometers away war crimes were being committed, the spokesperson, Abu Egad, suggested, "Now that Mr. Naharin is going to be spending less time making dances, we hope he will use his post as foreign minister to elaborate on what he meant about those war crimes."

A spokesman for Israeli defense minister Ehud Barak, Sreulik Ben-Sreulik Ben-Sreulik Ben-Sruelik, vehemently denied reports that Barak had warmly endorsed Naharin's appointment after mistaking one of his dances, "Naharin's Virus," for a new weapon.

The choreographer-diplomat said that Israel would continue to refuse to talk with Palestinian group Humus, which he accused of "spreading chick-peas all over the world." Asked by this reporter whether he would now work to lift the Israeli blockade on the 1.3 million people living in the Gaza Strip, Naharin answered, "As an artist I'm above all that. However, I would like to announce that because art transcends vital medical, food, and other supplies, we will soon be organizing new dance classes there: Gaga in Gaza."

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